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Airborne [VHS]

Category: (Video)

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Customer Reviews

DVDs make good coasters

Reviewed by J. Dvorak, 2007-05-24

This is quite possibly the worst film I have ever seen. It doesn't even have the virtue of self-mockery. What a waste of Colm Feore and Sean Bean....

WORST MOVIE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewed by AMP, 2006-07-08

I expected this to be bad; thank goodness I borrowed it for free from the library. But I never imagined that a movie could be as bad as this (especially with such good actors as Sean Bean and Colm Feore).

But that brings me to the first biggest flaw in this disaster of a movie: Steve Guttenberg as an action hero. WHAT THE HECK IS HE DOING HERE?!!! He's fine and dandy in a comedy, but in an action movie, he tries too hard to be like Tom Cruise from the Mission Impossible movies. His lines are muttered with subtle intensity that just doesn't sound right. Lines like "I don't wanna see him!" "You guys can't keep track of a video tape," and "I still don't like you, Murdoch" made me laugh for most of the movie. They weren't badly written; they just sounded funny coming from Guttenberg.

The other actors and actresses don't seem to have the same problem; they all perform adequately.

The rest of the movie is still terrible. Special agents retrieving a bioweapon; it's a story that's been done before many times. But everything about this movie makes the other stories (like MI:2) look like LOTR material. It's one thing for a movie to have impossible-looking effects or stunts, but Airborne has garbage in it that would never happen in real life but still takes itself too seriously.

For example, in the first twenty minutes, agents have to blow the side of an airplane open (while in the air) and infiltrate its interior. So they do that...and inside the airplane, it's perfectly still. I'm pretty sure that, when you breach the hull of a plane, the air inside the cabin will be sucked out! But the guy strolls into the cabin (which looks distinctly like an underdressed sound stage) and picks up a suitcase on the floor. What the heck?!!! The deadly virus was just lying on the floor?!!! And why didn't the air suck it out of the airplane?!!!

Secondly, I don't think a CD can take control of a car and send it crashing into a harbor. Even if it is a GPS disc or whatever, the curcuits in a CD player should be independent to the circuits driving the car (especially in 1997, when this movie came out). So what the heck?!!!!!

Also, I gotta love the way, at the end, how the deadly virus rolls off of the speeding airplane, lands on the hood of the car, and rolls around some more. The way this whole sequence was filmed was an obvious attempt to drag out the suspense. But it's still stupid.

Finally, in the end, the canister they were all chasing around turned out to be filled with harmless gel-filled marbles. WHAT THE HECK?!!!!!! All of this was just a decoy?!! What was the darn point?!!!

The rest of the movie was boring. There are only two good things about this film: the acting of Sean Bean and Colm Feore, and the photography. Everything else is terrible. I wouldn't watch it again even if it was the last movie on Earth. If you want something similar but worthwhile, watch either a Mission Impossible, James Bond, or Jack Ryan movie.

Not the Airborne With Jack Black, Shane McDermott, and Seth Green

Reviewed by LadyHighlander, 2005-10-28

For those who were looking for the movie Airborne with the previously listed people...I took a chance on this one and ordered it as I was looking for it too. Nope this is not it.
Hope this helps!

Some actors should NOT bulk up for a part......

Reviewed by Onysia, 2005-08-31

This is so bad it will be my contribution to the next bad movie party I go to. It is clear from the start that Steve Gutenburg was taking this role seriously.... the other principles were walking through their lines. I think they got a whiff of how much it stank early on and they were going through the motions for their paychecks. Sean Bean "acted" as usual but was spared sharing space on screen with any of the principles till the final scene where it was like an actor walking onto a high school stage that is how defined the contrast was. Some actors do not look good scruffy. Some actors should not bulk up for a part. Those two statements apply to "Police Academy" Steve. His scruffy look translates to bum and indigent and his bulking up makes him look potato lumpy not buff. Pair that with one of the worst scripted dialogues in Hollywood history and you have BAD movie. I can only guess that all of the principles really really needed the money for remodeling or something or their agents signed them before the script was written by the monkeys that must of typed it out. I would love to know the back story to this disaster.

THE GUTTENBERG DISASTER

Reviewed by Michael Butts, 2004-09-03

Steve Guttenberg arrives in this strangely inept film. He has a buff body, a linear scar on his face, and constipation..oops, maybe it just seemed that way. Going for the Bruce Willis/Clint Eastwood silent type of hero, Steve mumbles his lines and tries to show all of his emotions with grunts and whispers. He is not an action hero, but he tries, maybe too hard.
Seems there's this special ops force called Mach I, in which he, Colm Feore (a good actor wasted), Torri Higginson (who does okay). His boss is played by the ubiquitous bad guy, Kim Coates, who smokes a cigar like it were a popsicle. There's this virus that the special ops team rescued, but now it's been stolen again by Sean Bean (who has little screen time so don't expect too much from him). Little tension is generated, and although it's not a great movie, it manages to keep you guessing for a while.
A rental when something new has come out and you can't find anything else.